Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
