I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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