Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.

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  (904): i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/j0mi
  Replies (13) Good night (6300) Bad night (923)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula

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  (608): i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula http://tfl.nu/sb2u
  Replies (29) Good night (4337) Bad night (965)
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  (562): View more from California

  I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.

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  (562): I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial. http://tfl.nu/180u
  Replies (25) Good night (626) Bad night (4602)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (14736) Bad night (1223)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5253) Bad night (1345)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.

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  (314): I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light. http://tfl.nu/psre
  Replies (19) Good night (3837) Bad night (996)
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  (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

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  (408): How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...? http://tfl.nu/cucy
  Replies (15) Good night (6706) Bad night (951)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"

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  (734): What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?" http://tfl.nu/tcpf
  Replies (26) Good night (3357) Bad night (1318)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.

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  (918): I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending. http://tfl.nu/bckx
  Replies (3) Good night (2732) Bad night (784)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard

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  (770): I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard http://tfl.nu/zjac
  Replies (9) Good night (1114) Bad night (2485)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series

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  (402): Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series http://tfl.nu/c4pq
  Replies (13) Good night (3240) Bad night (1092)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick

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  (774): Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick http://tfl.nu/t99o
  Replies (6) Good night (2344) Bad night (826)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day

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  (774): Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day http://tfl.nu/bsus
  Replies (4) Good night (1516) Bad night (804)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.

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  (716): It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off. http://tfl.nu/gyby
  Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour

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  (847): There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour http://tfl.nu/ries
  Replies (0) Good night (592) Bad night (176)

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