I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.