Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great