she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
