Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.