dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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