; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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