just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
