so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize