My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
