Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How's work?
Spinning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
