wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You had me at "let me see your balls"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
