Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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