i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
