one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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