we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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