the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
