Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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