well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
NoShamevember. You game?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
