i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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