college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
