M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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