Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
