Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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