not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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