Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
