My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
