spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
