Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
