I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
