I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
