I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
