Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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