Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
