So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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