I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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