I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
