This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
