I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
