he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
