Apparently you make a good broom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
