so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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