i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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