I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
