4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
