Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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