I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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