I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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