do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
