i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
