My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
