do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
