I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
