everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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