She is in my trunk
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
