If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
