this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i came on her dog
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
