Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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