loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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