none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
