haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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