Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
