It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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