I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
