So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
