I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
